Passing The Talking Stick

Restorative Practices Provide Reparatory Refuge 

“Restorative Practices Provide Reparatory Refuge” is the emergent theoretical premise supported by a composite analysis of responses from two of the informant groups for my study: black male students who attended Restorative Practices school and Restorative Practices professionals who worked with young black male students. In addition, the premise that “Restorative Practices Provide Reparatory Refuge” directly addresses an overarching research question: How can Restorative Practices lower “School to Prison Pipeline" occurrences of Black male students?

In my study (Russell, 2013), four connecting amalgamated insights generated the emergent premise that “Restorative Practices Provide Reparatory Refuge.” These four composite themes were critical contributions resulting from a collective informant voice:
1) Zero tolerance policies have racially biased outcomes against Black male students,
2) Racism kindles unacknowledged and unaddressed trauma for Black male students,
3) Restorative Practices disarm the cycle of trauma for Black male students and 4) Restorative Practices offer Black male students refuge to gain consciousness raising experiences. The following is a special narrative vignette representative of the voices of Black male graduates of Restorative Practices and Restorative Justice School Model experiences. The voices of young Black males who had a Restorative Lived Experience in their middle or high schools offer insights that formed a shared narrative: Restorative Practices Provide Reparatory Refuge.

A Vignette: Passing The Talking Stick

Narrated by Chukwudi Nwangwu

The gentlemen are now arriving and as each one approaches me, I am connecting the faces with his name and the school he attended before revealing his name. The handshakes and hugs of endearment give a sense of expectation and commitment to this cause. I hope my enthusiasm is not too overbearing, as I am anticipating that these young men will pave the way for millions more to follow. I trust that these men will “trail-blaze” a legacy of new paths during this week. I am now holding up the Ibo Talking Stick in my hand and explaining to the circle of trailblazers, its meaning and our use of it as the talking piece for our meeting. While sharing my story of losing two brothers before their time, I can see their compassion swelling for my story in their eyes. I now hand over the Talking Stick to William who is sitting on the left of me. William passed it to the man on his left and our stories began to unfold one to another as we shared why we feel we are here today.

The introductions went very well and I almost got 100% accuracy with putting the right face to
the voices I recall during our telephone discussions. William introduces himself as being
expelled from one of America’s most disruptive middle schools and living in a very chaotic
community but was blessed with an aunt who always stood by him and tried her best to give him
a caring home. He expressed that his dad has been in prison since he was three and his mother
was distracted by her addiction during most of his teen years. Similar stories of an imprisoned
parent either via drugs or institution came forth by the conclusion of our first sharing round.
Only two young men in the circle appeared to be a product of a “traditional family” where both
parents were in the home. Homage was given to two aunts, three grandmothers, and two single
moms. Yet, we had five college students, three working men having good positions and one
young man who stopped college after 2 ½ years due to lack of funds and who is now seeking a
job. What they all had in common is an attribute that was not shared or spoken and it was the fact that none of them faced a judge in a Criminal Courtroom since their experience with their Restorative Practice school or intervention program and that was not or is not a criterion to be part of this forum.

The Talking Stick returns to my hand. So the real work is now to be done, I proceed by stating how proud I am of each one and how I view them as trailblazers opening better passageways for future young Black men to travel. I ask them to share their thoughts on what led to their successful paths in life. Jose from New Orleans Restorative Model beckoned to speak first and the talking stick is passed to him. Jose begins a litany on how his world was filled with chaos at home, chaos in the streets and chaos in school and then he says something powerful: his response to the chaos was to become a person who created more chaos in his own life and in the lives of those closest to him. Jose also shared, with the circle of co-trailblazers, his teen encounters of being adjudicated to juvenile hall and how his route to prison got intersected by a man whom he did not know. Jose says, “The man who turned out to be my mentor and good friend, attended my court sentencing and asked the judge to send me to the summer Rising Up program under his care. He stated that the Rising Up Summer Program is being launched at the high school where I was slated to attend”. Jose concluded somewhat
painfully that the most hurtful part for him was that his mom did not agree. She thought he
would be safer in prison than at home on the streets but the judge placed him in the Rising Up
summer program and in a group home for the summer. Jose concluded, “I guess the judge
thought my mom needed a break from me”. He held up the Talking Stick as if to say, "I am finished,
who wants it next."  K.C. reaches for the Talking Stick.

The concept of chaos is resurfacing by K.C. who states, "schools are like a jungle" and he further explains, "It is impossible for the average black male to survive a typical school where violence, random acts of harm, every man and every teacher is for himself. When I think of the High School in my zip code where I had to attend, I think of a place where total chaos prevails." His story of dropping out of high school after three months of trying to stay in the ninth grade quiets the room. He gave thanks to Chai Beit who heard of his demise and brought him back to what they called transitional ninth grade. It was a special program that offered that he attended until they found a school for him. Chai Beit helped his cousin who by then was his guardian to place him in a boarding high school where he said he received great care but according to him, he missed out on his cultural training that Chai Beit provided. I smiled wide within because I remembered his story.

Chailon who was seated next to K.C. now has the Talking Stick and he is giving an account of how Chicago Restorative Model was once a real jungle during his ninth grade year. Chailon shared,  "It took a fellow schoolmate to be murdered during a mob fight in front of our school before true changes took place." He gives his thanks to Mr. Campbell who brought big changes to the school by opening the Peace Room. Chailon further expressed, "The Peace Room took time for us to understand but once you go there, you have to talk about what went wrong with the person you argued with or fought and you learn to see things different than you thought it was. Things got better and we started feeling more like family."  Jose signals for The Talking Stick and asserts, "The chaos is not by accident but it is the way society designed it to be." I noticed a concern on the face of Blake and I ask him his thoughts on this topic. Blake states, "I believe the big challenge is that too many black men have no hopes and no dreams. It is the feeling of nothingness that let you not care about hurting another person."  Izayah raises his hand towards the Talking Stick and the Talking Stick was passed on to him. Izayah asks “Why is there no hope? Why are there no dreams?” Jose responds to the question, “Hope is lost due to no jobs, poorly ran schools and violence everywhere we turn. I believe dreams were stolen because our history is hidden from us”. Some in the circle are nodding in agreement. Others just stare. Izayah reminds the circle of voices, "We are here to find ways to help brothers in the schools today to deal with the chaos because we already know that racism is a big part of it."  He states, "What we need to do is to help schools in the hood to learn how to end the insanity in their schools and how they can help their students deal with the problems in their lives."

William receives the Talking Stick. He states how his old school saved his life. He shared, " I got kicked out of my middle school and Chai Beit welcomed me in. I have been an ongoing problem at nearly every school where I attended and each one got rid of me but CB never even suspended me like the other schools but I had to go to what they called the Lighthouse Program at the elementary school site.  At the Lighthouse, I either stayed and worked in the Principal's office or he had a one– on-one teacher that worked with me all day long." William also shares that he should have been arrested for hitting one of the older male teachers and whose son who was also a teacher there retaliated by wrestling him to the ground in a choke hold. William shared, “In traditional schools, he (the retaliating teacher) and I both would have been arrested and our lives could have been very different but instead two days later, everyone gathered in a circle for nearly an entire day to find a way to deal with the tragedy that I was caught up in.". William concluded his story with information that he had to return to the brotherhood which this time included fathers of the students and the male staff and of course the teacher I hit and his son who choked me. Everyone who wanted to say something did.  One after the other, they told stories of how I caused problems for others and how so no matter how much they try to help me, I cause more problems. My aunt who was my guardian began to cry as they talked.  I saw the tears go down her cheeks and I felt empty inside. I could only tell them that I get angry a lot and I do not know why but I was very sorry for hitting my teacher. I  offer Mr. T my real deep apology and asking for their approval. They agreed that I could stay in the program but I had to do other programs before I could return to my regular brotherhood class. I spent time in the Lighthouse with a special mentor and the teacher who put a choke hold on me met with me on one on one twice a week. We actually gained a bond and even today we still stay in touch with one another."

William reflected, "I can only say that Chai Beit saved my life. I believe that week changed my entire life. I finished the last two months of school in the Lighthouse Program at the school’s other site but two days a week I spent with my regular class and the teacher who put me in the choke hold became my personal mentor and he really made a difference in my life. He taught me sports and martial arts. I discovered the athlete I am today that I learned about because of this experience." William held the Talking Stick high up in the air as to say, “Whose next”?

Then one after the other the other men in the circle told their stories of redemption where they either avoided an arrest, escaped an expulsion and/or were even derailed from a prison sentence because of the use of Restorative Justice. As quiet approached our circle, I am thinking about those voices we have not heard from yet: Mustafa, David, and Avon. Yet, their countenances are so intensely part of the discussion. William passes the Talking Stick to me. This may be a good time to take our first break. So I announce the break and our return quest to come up with a composite recommendation on how Restorative Practices can lower incidents of the “School to Prison Pipeline” and that we need to hear from everyone present, if possible.

To Be Continued in the next issue

An Incredible Force: Dr. Howard Fuller and Betsy DeVos

Our nation has been through quite a bit over the past few years,  We have gone through more than we realize but it was not until our new President emerged as an outcome of overcoming the war of the media that suddenly America finds itself in an open battle of a divided people.  I am not surprised by too much of it because I saw what the horrific work of false and rigged media reporting have done to destroy leaders in other countries and now it has turned itself against our own President in full force.  Yet, this is not the purpose of this blog but it had to become the preface of this blog because tomorrow, our Senate has a very important vote ahead of itself that has a very deep value in my heart but more importantly in the lives of millions of American families who have children attending our nation's schools; all of our nation's schools - public, private, parochial and higher institutions, etc.

Betsy DeVos may not have been the very best selection for Secretary of Education but she is the choice of our President and because of this, I took the time to do research on her leadership in the field of Education.  I immediately found favor with her because of her stance on School Choice, which for far too long has been held hostage from our civil rights as parents.  I observed her hearing and listened to what appeared by many as a failed performance because many of the questions were provided to preserve in place and protect a system that has failed students for decades. As a result, Americans across the nation decided Betsy DeVos is a very poor option to lead the schools of our nation.  Last week I became very concerned that this sentiment would prevent her nomination from being confirmed based on two of the Republican Senators deciding to vote against her.  I immediately began to think deeply who could be a replacement. Who is a strong force for School Choice? I was seeking another woman's voice and perhaps even an African American woman whom I could recall were out in the trenches with me during my struggle with promoting Charters,  Suddenly I remembered the name of a man who inspired me to become a founder of a charter school. I immediately looked up his name to see if he was still in the fight and he is even deeper in the river than where he was when I last followed his work. Dr. Howard Fuller is an outstanding Educator and Leader for School Choice and he is an accomplished educational policy expert.

My final thought and question: is there a methodology where his expertise could be paired with Betsy DeVos' passion for School Choice and the two could be the incredible force to meet the needs of our nation? While I do not know politics and how to do last minute political deals to save a cause, I believe that at least one of the two defected Senators would return once she sees that an expert would be working side by side with Secretary DeVos. I further challenge that perhaps one or two across the aisle may also sign on to this duo because Dr. Fuller already has the respect of a few democrats as Michael Benner, Tammy Baldwin, and possibly Bob Casey. They know that the schools in their urban cities are in dire need of restructuring but the restructuring needs to be done with accountability and equity.   I was further impressed to see that Dr. Fuller is nonpartisan (which for the first time in my life I have become). What I discovered yesterday is that Dr. Fuller recently endorsed Betsy DeVos. By the way, I do not know Dr. Fuller personally and only shared my thoughts on this via twitter. Well, he found my ideas amusing but assured me it was impossible for this to come to pass.  Is it impossible?

DR. FULLER ENDORSES BETSY DEVOS

WHO IS DR. FULLER?

Circling Frozen Time In Time!
Part 2

By Dr. Martha I. Russell, CEO
Changing Lenses, Inc.

As I searched for a college for CC, I had three requirements of the college. First, that the college had to be sensitive in dealing with students having Aspergers. Secondly, that CC could continue marching band or jazz band connections and thirdly that the college or university was sensitive to the needs of homosexuals. Yes, at the time, it was my understanding that I had a daughter who was homosexual but ashamed of her sexuality. I hoped that in college, she would be able to come to terms with who she was and this part did happen. However, this did not happen as I thought it would but as God guided this to come to being. Well The Divine blessed us because the college I selected described a very well framed program for students having learning differences with an emphasis on Aspergers and there was a special summer program for the new students with learning differences to attend prior to the official September opening. The problem was that the summer program was already at full capacity and I so prayed to The Eternal that the officials would make an exception and allow one more student to be added to their summer program. While the school was not able to change their precedent for the enrollment, the director of the program contacted me three days later to share that a student withdrew from the program because of his decision to remain with his extended high school program for an additional year. 

As a result, CC went to the program and within the few weeks of that program evolved into a new person (well, new to me anyway). Suddenly, this introvert, who demonstrated very limited social interaction skills and whose only friends were in association with his brother and cousin, became the leader of the learning difference sub-group. CC was one of  five out of the 15 in the program who evolved into a circle of comrades. None of them believed CC was ever Aspergers because of his natural lead of the group. They nearly convinced CC the same. Well it was not long before their precious circle began to shrink as one by one, four of the super five began to drop out of school because of academic failure. Apparently, the college's learning difference supports were severely lacking. The first to leave was a young man who lived minutes from my home. He left at Thanksgiving break, due to their trimester structure, he was already on academic probation and lost his rowing scholarship. Next semester, a second male comrade left again due to poor academic performance. As it turned out only one of the five succeeded whereas she is on the hockey team there and will be graduating in next May the time all of them should be graduating.  The other four in their group, including CC are still floundering or have rerouted their academic plan. Time waits for no one but it seems to stand still for those whose goals stood still.

It was the second term during the second year that CC's very best friend also left. It was then, that CC lost emotional stability and dove into depression deeply. He shared that he had not felt that depressed since he was the sixth grade. Well, that raised my alarm levels up quite high because CC was on suicide watch back then as recommended by his pediatrician. It was when CC shared with me that "she" (the gender we accepted CC as at that time) liked girls and was so filled with hurt and shame because of  it. From that moment forward, we sojourned a journey that I would not wish on any mother and child. Yet, I became the better person for it. At that moment, I felt at the beginning of the nightmare again. Well, CC was 8 hours away from home, so I reached out for the director of the Learning Difference Program and requested an emergency intervention by the campus professionals. My husband considered going immediately to bring CC home but I suggested that we try to get as much accomplished within the hour as we could. I also reached out to the one remaining comrade from the circle of five, the hockey player.  I believe she was the one that helped CC snap out of the deep depression and gave CC a glimmer of hope.  I told my husband that CC seemed to be stable enough to remain at school and he did not have to go bring CC home. I realized then that CC was experiencing the same kind of lost then as he did when he was 11 years old when CC's only true friend left our school.  Here again, his one and true friend left and he was lost because the hockey player had formed a whole new chain of hockey friends.  I thought, if only I could help CC to find a new circle of friends, which coming home will not provide. I aimed to help him find a new circle and trusted that a connection to the Exercise Science department may open new friends for him.  So, I walked CC through registration but he did not follow all of my recommendations. 

In a way I regret not having my husband bring CC home because it was that semester that caused CC's cumulative average to plummet. He just could not beat the depression.  Yet on the other hand, the blessing was that it was also that semester that CC decided to fight for his life and escaped the claws of suicide. Instead he decided to find out why his life was so muddled with confusion. CC began to perform Google research on his feelings of being a man but is a woman. It was doing this research to see if others felt like him, that he discovered a world of people just like him. He discovered he was Transgender. So he came home on academic discharge and shared the information with me on the day after the Transgender Conference in our own town had just ended. To this day, I will never understand why he failed to share prior to the conference, except that I had so many irons in several fires at the time. So he gave me material to read. As I read it, nearly 20 years of "heartstrings" fell in place for me. As insane as the concept first came across in my mind, being born in the wrong gender body made so much sense to me. This is why my child felt so awkward about being considered homosexual or lesbian. The reason being is that CC was a male who liked females. I spent weeks reading various materials and watching videos on transgender. 

I helped CC find a therapist which seemed to be the first step in transitioning and I made sure it was someone who understood this very well. The therapist, Rik Fire, is also a Transman but even more than that, he is a spiritualist and CC truly needed someone who had spiritual wisdom. Having CC in therapy with Rik was a great help but it moved much faster than I was comfortable with. Before I knew it, my once daughter was taking Testosterone Replacement Therapy and I often wonder if this was the problem. Did this happen too soon? CC was going deeper into smoking weed and becoming more emotionally volatile than ever before. When I attended the TransConference last June, I listened to many who shared how T Therapy had them as emotional wrecks.  I wonder why this has not been addressed.  Well as for CC, he was truly derailing emotionally. It has gotten to the point that my husband and I find ourselves tiptoeing not to get this person too upset. This person is not transitioning into a man but into an adult size brat and I am reinforcing this transition. I came to realize that I can and will no longer become a prisoner in my own home but most of all, I will not help to become the ice maker for my son's life quickly emerging FROZEN TIME. Very recently, I have been reflecting of an article on how African Drumming can help calm the spirit of those filled with emotional stress and I reflected on the fact that over a year ago, I suggested to CC to go to a drumming session and he was drawn to it even though it was whacky. If only I could have connected him to a true African Drumming Circle, I believe it would be healing and therapeutic for him. As I research more on this, the more I am believing this is the Restorative Response for Transmen going through T-Therapy. Its something, I will share with some of the Trans therapy leaders.  Drumming Circles are truly restorative.

I am asking God to show us (all of my family) how to overcome being in FROZEN TIME. It may not be going away to a Rehab Program. It may be becoming our own Rehab Program by Life Coaching our own lives out of the FROST and into the SUN. I thought about the phenomenon of how Restorative Circles break through icebergs of trauma and how circles often help to heal when one has to acknowledge his or her wrong and then determine how he or she will repair the harm to self as well as to others. Does it has to be a physical circle or can we as Family and Friends circle around CC as each one in our own way and in our own commitment to him share with him our honest, heartfelt thoughts, suggestions and guidance on an ongoing basis until each of us begin to see him shake through his frost and begin to move towards a goal? We do not all need to bombard him but select one item of support to offer life coaching with love. Life coaching CC on any of the following or others not mention would be a benefit: Did he take the first step to his name change and get his finger prints? Is he working on his property in order to have income? Is he applying to enter into any school?  If not is he applying for a job somewhere? Is he seeking somewhere to live other than his parents' home? Did he find out about the next EMT test?  December 6th is an opportunity to take the EVOC exam. Is he registered to take it or seeking a obtain the funds to register?  Is he seeking alternatives to Rehab? Will he try out Jiu Jitsu as an art form to help him increase his mental agility and physical endurance?There are only so many many questions only because his life is FROZEN and no progress in any of these areas have taken place.

Can we become his circle of family love and support, encouragement yet hold him accountable for his own mistakes and for his own failures in life? With Restorative Practices, the answer is not to be punished for his mistakes and his acts of violence against his own mother but the answer is to hold him accountable to repair the harms he caused against his own life first and that is all I as his mother needs in return for the hurts he caused me. And only he can tell me what I can do for the hurts that I have caused his life. Yes, he too has a voice and his voice need to be heard and respected by both of his parents and all of siblings but most of all by himself. I am believing in this Circle of Hope, which today I am forming on behalf of my love for the youngest child that I birthed. I believe Circling can melt our lives out of FROZEN TIME.  My greatest concern is that the longer family wait to form the circle, the more FROZEN TIME retracts penetration of sunlight.  One can die in this state. We have seen it before and must do wall we can to prevent it from happening again.

May we continue in raising horizons for the suffering of humanity!

Circling Frozen Time In Time!
Part 1

By Martha Russell, Ph.D.,

CEO of Changing Lenses, Inc.

Raising Horizons for the Suffering

How does one begin a nonprofit purposed to help the suffering of humanity when one's own family is suffering? Consequently, I acknowledge and address my own trauma and that of my family as I press forward to emerge as one of the most effective trauma reducing advocates for trauma victims due to racism and other cisms of America. So let Our Circle be formed.

This morning I made the decision end a vicious cycle of being a codependent to my youngest son's emergence into the state of FROZEN TIME. What is FROZEN TIME? When months pass by and one has made little to no progress in their life, I view this as one evolving into a state of Frozen Time. Now when years pass one by and one cannot show any visible progress or goal attainment in his or her life, then this person is succinctly lost in the frost of FROZEN TIME.  FROZEN TIME is often associated with some form of unhealthy addiction, which places a person on an unending treadmill of walking through life daily making no progress outside of feeding the addiction. Many of us have been there and some are unknowingly even with habitual treadmills on social media or in  "churchianity"; however the most dreadful FROZEN TIME treadmills are related to alcohol and drug addiction because these often lead to prison or death. 

Is it possible that parents can be the cause or the promoter of adult children being caught up in Frozen Time? The answer is yes. Yet, that “yes” has a caveat of spiritual wisdom to it which asserts the cliche “You reap what you sow”. When parents sow seeds of fortitude, harmony and prudence, they generally reap children who display attributes of fortitude, harmony and prudence, for the most part. When parents sow seeds of sluggishness, strife, and squandering, they tend to raise children whose lives are plagued with challenges related to sluggishness, strife and squandering. This is not just the science of agriculture where apple seeds produce apples but it also supports the family dynamics proverb that Children Learn What They Live. In the case of my children, their lives experienced wholesome and dysfunctional family ethics. As parents, our squandering may have overwhelmed our attributes of fortitude and our relentless strife may have overwhelmed our sincere love and compassion that we had for all four of our children. Regardless, each child individually gleaned what life skill set, emotional intellect and resilient rising above it all schematics,  at differing levels as each one navigated through life's ups and downs from Thouron to Rabbit Run (street names of our first and last home as a family).

Today's message focuses on creating a circle around our youngest son, CC, whose major struggle in life was that he was born as our youngest daughter. We discovered his true gender identity only two years ago when he returned home from the overwhelming pressures that college life - overshadowed by gender confusion, experiencing lost, battling depression and addiction to pot - brought to him. When CC arrived at home, he desperately sought help and shared his turmoil with a need to be whom he was born to be, a male person. He also asked for help for his pot addiction which appeared to be his only scaffold to assist him with his transitioning from female to male; however, it is now his detriment to his transition and to achieving all of his life goals. As a typical controlling mother I immediately pressed into my favorite  “I can make it happen” role but I did not succeed. I immerse myself in the study of transgender just as I did ten years prior with the study of homosexuality. I contacted so many places to address the pot smoking issue, only to discovered that he could not get the help he needed for pot because it is not deemed an addictive drug by mainstream medical and therefore, our insurance would not cover in-house treatment. I now realize it was my linear vision that Rehab = overcoming addiction that caused this failure in helping him with his pot addiction. I failed to look at the obvious in that our extended family had a number of family members over the years who did go to residential drug rehabilitation who did not succeed. My two brothers both died in their addictions and my beloved nephew at age 26 also died in his. All three been to drug rehabilitation centers. Notwithstanding, there were others such as my own husband who did succeed. Although they may have relapsed after Rehab, they were able to gain control over what could have caused their lives to be left in FROZEN TIME.

CC's life appears to be rapidly evolving into FROZEN TIME and I believe my husband and I are actually increasing its refrigeration process. CC seems to be on a very dull treadmill of sleeping, smoking, eating, strolling through our premises a few times a day and sleeping again. He has stopped doing all of the important steps achieving goals in his life.  He failed to sign up for his EMT test after spending 10 months completing the coursework.  He simply stopped doing the necessary tasks required to have his name changed and his gender officially changed on his driver's license. When questioned on these things, he constantly points the finger away from self to blame something or someone  for each item he fails to accomplish. Just yesterday, he blamed me because he was unable to enroll in school due to his failure to raise $250.00 needed for his transcript to be obtained. His view was that I did not want him to go because I did not want him to attend school in Ohio in January and therefore, he could not get the financial support from family members.  This is the kind of logic pot addiction offers. He completely ignored the fact that there were so many missed opportunities for him to have raised the funds but he opted not to labor when was called.  What is even more frustrating to me is that he never attempted to obtain the transcripts until the day before the class was to begin. I sincerely believe he thought I was going to make magic happen for him and because I made no attempt to do the magic, I was at fault for him not getting enrolled. Perhaps, he is correct. I finally have to accept the fact that this child has never taken the responsibility for his own failures. He has conveniently blamed me for his numerous disappointments in life and I accepted them. Yes, I made many mistakes beginning with not having a clue to his gender identity, even though he provided so many clues as young as three years old. He even had to deal with being placed in an ALL GIRLS classroom from second grade to seventh grade at the school where I was founder and administrator.  Furthermore, in my zealot mother role to help him navigate a life as a teenager who had no friends, I continually guided him into school and out of school activities where he may can connect socially. I spent tons of dollars on activities such as horseback riding and ice hockey and ice skating lessons and none of which he completed. I allowed him to quite when things got to challenging or uncomfortable for him. My greatest mistake was to force him out of school because I believed homeschooling would shield him from his inability to socialize with his peers. That failed miserably but was fortunately short lived. He returned to school and became part of the school band. That was his best connection to a social life in high school. So I accept my part of the foundational problems but I cannot continue to build on these problems. 

Now that CC is 21 years old, we as parents and he as our son must begin to move to an adult relationship where we support and respect one another. Restoratively speaking, CC also needs a platform to share the harms we as parents brought to his life and how I and my husband can repair the harms we committed. Yet, CC also has to be willing to acknowledge and repair the harms he has committed to his own life and harms he has committed as a member of our household. Restorative Justice is justice that heals but it can only succeed when all parties involved can face their own demons and offer a commitment to acknowledge the wrongs, repair the harms and celebrate every victory on the way.  How will Restorative Practices look for us?  We will reflect more on how we got to where we are today and address this question in Part 2.

Thank you for taking time to visit with us as our endeavor shall be to continue:

Raising Horizons for the Suffering through Restorative Approaches!